Episode #102 | Dangers of the Comparison Mindset
As midlife women, we have experienced so much, and that has shaped us into the wise, brave, and deep individuals we are now. We have unique stories to tell and so much to offer the world. So why waste our time comparing ourselves to others?
We often find ourselves comparing our lives to others, their progress, their achievements, and their happiness.
But guess what?
Comparison is NOT good for us,
unless we’re comparing ourselves with our own past selves, focusing on our personal growth.
See- 1% Better Everyday Challenge.
We wanna keep pushing ourselves, showing up, feeling confident, and brave on purpose, with purpose, right?
Am I alone or can I get like a big amen?
I don't wanna be embarrassed for showing up, feeling like I'm overweight or under-prepared, or like I don't have anything to offer in the conversation.
That's not us!
We are WISE, CONFIDENT, SELF-ASSURED,
You will always find somebody who's outdoing you.
They're better than ME. They're stronger, they're wiser, they're further down the road. They've gotten much more progress.
AND, this is the thing - ultimately we're ONLY watching their HIGHLIGHT REEL.
When you watch only the highs of someone else's life, the successes, the wins, the best times, the good times - you will get DISCOURAGED. You'll feel like a slugger. You'll think, what am I NOT doing compared to them? And then you're gonna be tempted to start judging yourself, and shaming yourself, and God forbid giving-up altogether. You’ll go into a comparison mindset, and that mindset will just fuel your insecurity. Instead of bolstering your own confidence and self-esteem, you'll be weakening your confidence and perpetuating your own discontent.
Who am I? Look at what they're doing.
All right, let’s look, what are YOU doing?
You've turned your gaze to look over your shoulder. You were running your own race, and then all of a sudden you looked back out of your curiosity for OTHERS. Well, if you're a long-distance runner, and you look back to feel a sprinter coming up alongside you, blowing past you, no wonder you would feel like a loser. They're not even in the same race as YOU!
You run your race. There are many different races and many different kinds of runners.
DANGERS of the COMPARISON MINDSET
You'll get discouraged.
You'll get competitive and jealous, which turns into toxic motivators.
You'll get prideful, if you're doing better.
You'll begin to base your worth on the value of your performance.
6 Actions to Break the Comparison Mindset
1. Become Aware.
Catch yourself in a thought of comparison, and immediately interrupt yourself. Notice when your thoughts begin to drift and your mindset starts to shift. Find that initial thought that makes you want to look over your shoulder to see what someone else's doing. Or when you are on Facebook and you're scrolling, and you’re scrolling, and you’re just sitting there “checking out” what everyone else is doing. Become aware of the fact that you are comparing.
2. Craft a Positive I am Statement.
Replace the comparison thought with a positive I am statement.
I am enough. I am running my race. I am doing what God has called me to do. I am happy with my progress. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
And then say 'em out loud! Get 'em in the airwaves, get ’em outta your head, and get those words spoken into reality. Release positive energy, so that you can begin to draw positive energy back to yourself.
The Law of Attraction says: what we put out is what's gonna come back into our lives.
You don't wanna draw to yourself a lot of naysayers and jealous competitive people. You want true supporters in your camp, right? Amen. You want true cheerleaders as friends. So, be that AND do that.
3. Bless Others.
The minute you find yourself beginning to compare yourself to someone just bless them! Say this, “God, bless them indeed and increase them. God, give them a hundred full. God, keep them in your care.”
I pray blessings over individuals I catch myself comparing to and as I say, “when you reap, you sow.”
When you pray for other people to be successful and to do well, and you will be reaping. Again, The Law of Attraction is reaping and sowing. When you bless others, you're gonna reap blessings back into your own life - not that that’s your only motive. Your motive is to love and pray for your sisters and your brothers. Pray for your fellow human beings to be all that God has created them to be, as you too will become all that God has created YOU to be.
4. Accept Yourself - your talents, gifts, and how it is you ‘shine.’
We don't all shine the same. Have you ever looked at these new remote control lights - they're really super fun. With a little remote, I can turn it blue, yellow, red, pink, neon, orange, and green. Every light shines uniquely with a different bulb, of a different color, in a different way.
Shine baby, the way you are supposed to shine. Light up the world the way you are supposed to light up the world. Be you.
It's so awesome when you are unique, quirky, and just simply who God created you to be. That's how I want you to shine. That's how I want you to show up, all right?
5. Be Productive.
Productivity equals happiness, satisfaction, and a contentment that says, ‘wow, I worked hard today! I got some things done.’
Have you ever spent a LOT OF TIME cleaning a room and then you just wanted to sit in it??? Even if it was your closet, you were like,
‘I wanna eat dinner in my closet tonight because it's so awesome in here!’ ‘I wanna live here just at least for a few hours because it is so clean after I worked so hard.’
What is that cleanliness producing for you?
It's bringing peace. It's bringing joy. It's bringing contentment.
Conversely, what does chaos produce?
Clutter brings agitation.
So make progress, and push yourself! Come on, nudge yourself, get out of your comfort zone!
When you do that, you activate your brain in a way that can only be activated when you are in the unfamiliar. It's like learning new things, all of a sudden warning lights are going off saying, she may be in danger, but for right now, we're gonna have to learn this.
Then the next time you do it your brain might say, oh yeah, she did this once before. It's okay. We can do this again.
And by the third time you do it your brain will be all like, hey, how can we get better at this? She's out here again, so let's help her. Let's create a new pathway so she can get here quicker, easier.
6. Resist Perfection.
Imperfection is okay. It's art. It's beautiful.
I'm starting to see a lot of plastic surgery and botox and fillers for women our age. I'm not against it, but I'm against overdoing it, because there's a “look” that begins to develop. You can line up a whole lot of “overdone” women in their 50s & 60s, and even today, some transgender, and you would say, Ooh, looky there, they all have the same kind of ‘look.’
See, overdoing it to “perfection” makes us all look the same.
So, it's okay to be imperfect! Be artistic. Be creative. Embrace imperfection, because that's what makes you a masterpiece.
BraveHearted Women, let’s stop comparing and start embracing our own life journeys.
Remember, you have a story to tell, and I am here to support and cheer you every step of the way.
Together, let’s run our races, live our potential, and inspire others to do the same.
WATCH THE VIDEO
LISTEN TO THE PODCAST
0:00 - Intro 1:53 - Let’s talk about comparing yourself to others! 2:52 - What happens when you compare? 3:49 - Reasons why you should run your own race. 4:35 - How shifting your mindset can impact your best self? 5:51 - What are the dangers of comparison? 8:18 - Reason #1: Don’t compare. 9:55 - Reason #2: Comparing will get you competitive and jealous which turn into toxic motivators. 11:30 - Reasons #3: When you compare and if you’re doing better, it breeds pride. 13:18 - How seeking others’ approval can compromise yourself? 14:16 - Productivity + Progress = Happiness 14:40 - What is the Prayer of Jabez in the Bible? 15:33 - Tips for stopping to compare yourself to others 22:48- FREE strategy call with Dawn Damon 23:25 - FREE Download: Ignite Your Confidence and Soar with Self-Esteem
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